I Am (not) Here.

on wanting to teleport and other symptoms of being a full-time artist right now.

Jul 21, 2022

I want you to know: I didn’t not forget about this. This commitment I made to talk to you once a month about my life as a new-ish full time author and other things that inherently come with being me. I didn’t forget. Which is the problem. There is so much to remember right now and it’s really hard on my brain. Which isn’t really that new of a response I have to the world.

I am very aware of my own neurodivergence and how it’s affected by the pressure to the next best thing in this current society.

So I have to pick and choose what I have capacity for at any given time so that I don’t drop the ball when it’s really important. Thing is, it feels equally important for me right now to be deeply receiving/taking care and also finding ways to be paid quicker, more, and with more certainty. I am needing more certainty in my life right now and it is majorly lacking on so many fronts.

I’m not sure what that means for me right now but I’m trying to put down whatever isn’t urgent whenever I can. I can not lose sight of my other priorities outside of paying bills or writing books. Like loving, being a better friend/big sister, being present with my body, and managing the needs of my mental health.

I imagined this month’s newsletter to be a beautiful, thorough recap of the three-city book tour for Break This House but I’m not ready for that. I am burned the fuck out. For now, I’ve got a few photos of treasured moments and some things coming up in the next few months to look out for.